Mark Zuckerberg Forced to Dip Into “Rainy Day” Fund After Facebook Shares Plummet

Originally Published: July 26, 2018.

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg admitted today that he was surprised to find that he had to dip into a bank account he maintained for major crises in order to cover the $119 billion dollar drop in Facebook shares in the course of a few hours this morning.

Zuckerberg spoke briefly to reporters for the first time since the gigantic stock loss was announced. “I thought,” the visibly chastened executive said, “I could cover [the loss in value] just with money lying around the house, and at worst I’d have to sell some stuff I never use, like the Lamborghini I keep in Honolulu– you know, just in case I ever go there. But I was shocked to find out that only got me to $108 billion.”

“So,” the CEO continued, ”I had to dip into this fund that I’d been saving for a really big fine, like I figured we’d get when people learned the full story about– oh, wait, the public doesn’t know anything about that yet– uh, just forget I said that.”

After admitting that having to come up with the necessary funds was “a real eye-opener” for the Facebook creator, he concluded, while gazing philosophically out over one of his estates: “Perhaps, it’s good that fate tosses events such as this our way, because I believe we all need to be reminded from time to time that $119 billion is not an insignificant amount of money.”